I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
