We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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