From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize