I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
