I'm eating all of the evidence.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
