he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
