I must be too annoying 4 u.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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