oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
