We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
