i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
