Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
