I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
