I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
