My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
