After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
