Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
