Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
