u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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