It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
