drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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