So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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