Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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