I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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