i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize