We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
