Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
