i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
