we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
