did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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