Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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