Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
