i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
