I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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