any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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