My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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