Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize