well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
