at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
