Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
