NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
