you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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