i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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