I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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