just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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