so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
