Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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