Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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