oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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