Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
