think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
