i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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