Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize