Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize