We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to calm my uterus...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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