ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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