he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize