well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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