i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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