His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize