I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
