Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
