Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
