i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
