she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
