How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
