So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
