you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
