i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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