just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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