Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
