While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
