May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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