apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
