I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
