So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
