I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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